So, as I was contemplating my next blog post, I thought to myself… “what would be funnier than a post chalk full of ‘Friends’ quotes???” And the answer? “NOTHING. NOTHING WOULD BE FUNNIER.”

I didn’t post allll of them… just the 30 that I found to be particularly hilarious – so please, leave a comment with your fave ‘Friends’ quote that I missed!


1) Ross:
Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!

2) Joey: Hi, I’m Chandler! Could I BE wearing anymore clothes?

3) Joey (watching old videos of Monica): Some girl ate Monica!!!
Monica: Shut up, the camera adds 10 pounds.
Chandler: So how many cameras are actually on you?

4) Ross: You know what? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in ’99!
Rachel: But your divorce isn’t even final yet.
Ross: Just the one divorce in ’99!

5) Monica
Fine! Judge all you want to but, married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, fell in love with a gay ice dancer, threw a girl’s wooden leg in a fire, livin’ in a box!!

6) Monica:
This is my husband, Chandler. Chandler, this is Will.
Chandler: Hey, I’d shake your hand but I’m really into the game. Plus I think it would be better for my ego if we didn’t stand right next to each other.

7) Ross:
Every week a TV Guide is delivered to Joey and Chandler. What is the name on the magazine?
Rachel: Oh it’s Chandler Bing! Him! Right there!
Monica: No!
Ross: Actually the correct answer is “Chanandler Bong”
Chandler: Ms. Chanandler Bong.

8) (
After observing a short fight between Rachel and Ross):
Phoebe: That’s it? We were on a break! No we weren’t! What happened to you two?

9) (Mona doesn’t know that Rachel is living with Ross)
Mona: Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation, but it’s Valentines Day. So, if you don’t mind, would you please just go back home?
(Ross enters with his gift for Mona)
Rachel: But Mona, I live here
Ross: (nervously holds out his gift for Mona)
Happy Valentines Dayyyyyyy!
(Mona stares angrily at Ross)
Ross: Or, something to remember me by…

10) M
onica: And Ross, people in high school didn’t even know who you were. Rachel put you on the MAP.

Ross: Yeah, as a romancer of the Elderly…

11) Ross:
It would be so cool to live across from you guys!
Joey: Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! You know, you have a can, we have a can and it’s connected by a string!
Chandler: Or we can do the *actual* telephone thing.

12) Chandler:
From now on, I have no first name.
Joey: So… you’re just Bing?
Chandler: I have no name.
Phoebe: All right, so what are we supposed to call you?
Chandler: Okay, for now, temporarily, you can call me… Clint.
Joey: No way are you cool enough to pull off Clint.
Chandler: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?
Phoebe: Um… Gene.
Chandler: It’s Clint. It’s Clint!
Joey: See ya later, Gene.
Phoebe: Bye, Gene.
Chandler: It’s Clint! Clint!
Joey: What’s wrong with Gene?

13) Joey:
Rach, you gotta find out if he’s in the same place you are. Otherwise, it’s just a moo point.
Rachel: A moo point?
Joey: Yeah. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.

Ross: Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees…

Chandler: MY favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt
Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part!

15) Parker:
I’m sorry if I put a good spin on everything. It’s who I am, I’m a positive person.
Phoebe: No, I’m a positive person. You’re like Santa Claus… on prozac… in Disney Land… getting laid!

16) (Chandler and Joey got two lawn chairs, a chick and a duck)

Chandler: Could we BE more white trash?

17) (in Richard’s apartment)

Chandler: Oh, my god. Look at this tape! It says Monica!
Joey: So?
Chandler: Think about it! Ex-boyfriend’s apartment, videotape with her name on it…
(Joey looks thoughtful)
Chandler: Get there faster!
Joey: Ohhhh!

18) (Monica thinks that Chandler has a shark fetish)

Monica: Do you want me to get inside the bathtub and thrash around?

19) Chandler:
Here’s something I hope I never have to say again. My dad called, and he asked me if he can borrow one of your pearl necklaces.
Monica: Oh, I don’t have anything like that. I’ll go see if Rachel has one.
Chandler: Yes, include more people in this.

20) Ross:
Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody’s attention. I’m Ross Geller.
Jack Geller: DR. Ross Geller.
Ross: Dad… please. Anyway, as I was saying, I’m Dr. Ross Geller…

21) Mona:
Thanks for showing me your pre-fossilized rock collection. You’ve got 300 of them. It was fascinating! So, we still on for tonight?
Ross: Sure!
Mona: Ok, bye.
Ross: Bye.
Chandler to Ross: Wow, you must be great in bed.

22) Joey: You two were having sex!
Monica: No, we weren’t!
Joey: Yeah, you were! I can see it by the back of Chandler’s hair! (to Chandler) You are so lazy, can’t you get on top for once?

23) Chandler to Ross: Three failed marriages, two illegitimate children… The personal ad writes itself!

24) Chandler: Yo, paisan! Can I talk to you for a sec? Your tailor is a very bad man!
Joey: Frankie? What are you talking about?
Ross: Hey, what’s going on?
Chandler: Joey’s tailor… took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way. I’ve been going to that guy for 12 years.
Chandler: Oh, come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and then he ran his hand up my leg. And then, there was definite… cupping.
Joey: That’s how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear.
[Chandler and Ross stare at him]
Joey: What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn’t that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes. Yes, it is… In prison!

25) Chandler: I’m not so good with the advice… Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

26) Ross: I love marriage.
Phoebe: Seriously? You?… Divorce-O?

27) Ross: If you’re going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It’s just cooler.

28) (In a Scottish Accent, on the phone)
Oh Hello Dr. Geller. This is Professor McNulty from the fake accent University. We’d like you to come on board with us full time.

29) Phoebe: (sitting down at blackjack table with Joey and Hand Twin guy) Hello. My name is Regina Phalange. I’m a businesswoman in town on business. Would you like to see my card? Oh, what did I do with my file-a-facts? I must’ve left it in conference room B.

30) (Ross and Rachel enter the museum planetarium)
Rachel: What is this? What are we doing?
Ross: Shh. Do you want cran-apple or cran-grape?
Rachel: Grape.
Ross: OK, now, sit. OK. (spreads the pelt on the floor and starts the music system)
Rachel: Oh, God.

Ross: Sorry.

The end! Now post your fave quotes!


6 thoughts on “18 Pages… FRONT AND BACK!

  1. heeeheehee…here's a couple more for your collection…Joey: "Oh, sorry..did I get you?"Chandler: "NO, you didn't GET me! It's an electric drill. You GET me, you KILL me!"Ross: "You-you-you-you (trying to remain in control) threw away MY sandwich??!! MY sandwich??!!! MY sandwich?!!!!!!"

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